falnerestate | [CLOSED] tell me what can i say ( what can i say, what can i say )

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[CLOSED] tell me what can i say ( what can i say, what can i say )

WHO: Hikaru Shinta, Joshua LaRue + Rhiannon Board of Directors and Senior Partners
WHAT: Hello, Again.
WHERE: The Rhiannon Towers - Tokyo, Japan
WHEN: 2 January 2066
SAFE FOR WORK? Yup!
OTHER NOTES: ALL THE AWKWARD.

[ The Universe is mocking him.

That is Joshua LaRue's precise thought as he hurries past the reception area of the Rhiannon Towers in Tokyo to head straight for the elevator that will take him up to where the Board of Directors and Rhiannon's Senior Partners are meeting for the Annual post-New Year's meeting.

Everything had been planned down on his end right down to the tiniest detail: he'd touched down in Narita early the evening before, checked into his hotel ( because, no, not staying at Seigi where Hikaru might be ) and made damn sure to deal with the jetlag he was feeling and forcibly worked to align his body clock to the change in timezone.

This morning, he'd gotten up at the crack of daw, had breakfast up in his room, gone through all the necessary documents he had to review for the meeting, checked his own presentation and got ready to leave with more than enough time to spare.

Everything was perfect: he should have arrived at the Towers an hour early, which would let him get a feel of things and have time to figure out how to adjust accordingly to Hikaru's presence.

And then a freak road accident backed up traffic for about an hour and a half.

Now he's late, flustered, a little stressed and stopping only for a minute outside the boardroom to straighten his tie and run a hand through his hair before he quietly turns that knob to step in—

—right as Hikaru's up front and talking.

Someone shoot him now.

~~Your evoker is in the shape of a handgun, Joshua.~~

~~LEO. SHUT. UP.~~

~~I was just being helpful.~~

He would really like to do this day over. Please? ]

Sorry.

[ He'll just... quietly wander to the nearest empty chair. Carry on. ]

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[And he's really not sure how to feel over the fact that you've just... come over and greeted him. That much might be obvious in the shadows that cross over his face, and how - for a split second - he looks almost freaked by the fact that you're right there.]

Hi.

[Gaze to his hands now, which are clenching up before they can start shaking. It's all he can do, as well, to breathe right in your presence. He's missed you terribly, but he's still uncertain over whether you even want him in your life, or if he does any good for you at all. That uncertainty is what's got his chest all tight right now, and what's making it very hard for him to stay calm and on top of things at the moment.

Part of him wishes that he had never had that conversation with Riley during Christmas. Maybe if it had never happened, he wouldn't have been reminded of just how badly your absence in his life has affected him. That... kind of made waves, and he hasn't even begun to recover from the aftershock of that particular breakdown.]

[ This close, it's hard to miss the way your fingers curl into your palms, or the way he half-expected you to bolt the moment he was within arm's reach because of that look that crossed your features.

( How did he let it get this bad? So bad that you look like you'd prefer to be anywhere else but near him. )

Softly now, and canting his head gently to one side in order to catch your gaze: ] Can I borrow you for a sec?

[ He'd reach out and catch your hand, but he's so chickenshit he can't. ]

Edited 2014-08-11 09:26 (UTC)

[What for?

That is what he really wants to ask you right now. He probably would, if he didn't feel a bit like he was choking.

And yes, you'll see the darkened look that crosses through his eyes just once before he's swallowing, pressing his lips together and nodding.]

...Sure.

[This probably isn't going to go well for him, huh?]

[ It's against his better judgment, because for all he knows you'll pull away, but he's stepping close and catching your hand and drawing you off to one side where the both of you will have some sense of privacy.

He keeps his hold on your hand loose and as relaxed as he can make it. He's a bit too unsure to presume that you want him touching you, so he makes it so the option to slip your hand away is there.

When you're as away from the others as you both can manage though: ] I'm not sure if I'm allowed to say this but... [ swallowing now ] I miss you.

[Oh...

Riley had been right after all. It's a little embarrassing how hearing it from your own lips is enough to make him a little dizzy with relief.

Can he really afford to be happy this soon, though? Nothing's all that certain about the two of you these days, right?]

I miss you too.

[That comes out a lot softer than it should have.]

I'm sorry. I should have called you more often. I should have gone to your birthday too, and...

[And he should have, in general, been a much better person for you.]

[ It's such a relief to hear you echo his sentiments that he glances once off to the side to check if the two of you will actually be seen. He picked a fairly secluded area though, and so he takes a chance and leans in to press a kiss on your forehead.

He's also tangling his fingers more solidly with yours. ]

I love you. [ It feels so good to say that, even if it comes out a little too soft, a little too hushed, that it's like he's asking permission.

Forehead to yours now, if only for a brief moment because it is just so good to be talking to you -- face to face -- again. ] I'm sorry. I'm so sorry.

I've been such a jerk.

[And it's ridiculous, really, how nice it feels to have you close again, and to feel something as simple as your lips on his skin once more. (It's so nice it's a little heartbreaking.)

At your words, though, he's shaking his head.]

You haven't been. It's okay.

[Yeah he really believes that. Sorry, Riley.]

Yeah, [ saying that a bit more firmly now. ] Yes, I have.

[ This is probably the worse place to have this conversation but he'll.take what he can.

He's tracing the back of your hand with his thumb. ]

I... [ He's hesitating because he's scared. He's thirty years old and he's nervous as fuck that he's going to mess this up. ] I'd like to try again.

[ His voice drops to a whisper. ]

I-if you'll have me.

Of course. I didn't ever stop loving you, you know.

[And it seems like the feeling was mutual...? He really doesn't want to assume, but with the way that you look now, and the way you're talking to him...]

I'm just terrible at this, I guess.

[ There is a part of him that is quietly wondering why this is so easy ( Is it supposed to be this easy? This is a good thing, right? ) because he'd been watching you in that meeting all morning and he was pretty sure he was stressing you out by simply being in the same space as you. ]

I'm sorry I messed up so badly.

[ That is so lame, Josh. You can do better. ]

It's just that... our last conversation went the way it did, and then I thought that maybe you needed time away from me-- [ and then he'd booked that flight, and he'd learned too late that you'd made plans for the both of you, and it had grown harder and harder to come home. ]

I didn't want to hurt you anymore than I already did. [ His fingers curl around yours again. ] But I missed you so much.

[ Hence, the gifts. The occassional hello. Even if timing was always bad. You were busy. He had things to sort out. Timezones were also a thing. ]

Edited 2014-08-11 11:38 (UTC)

[They had missed each other again, it seemed. Josh had been out to give him space, and he had been out to give Josh space, and then they both just... kept at it.

He should have noticed it sooner, though. Isn't he supposed to be the one adjusting, and letting Josh lead the way for them both since he has the tendency to think too damned far and move too damned fast?]

It's really okay. We're both here now, so...

[Now that you've given him this chance, he'll just work at making sure that he won't end up stressing you out again.]

[ Yes. Yes, you are.

Josh steps closer, and both of his hands are holding both of yours now. ]

Hikaru... it's not okay. Please don't just say "it's okay."

[ Give him a bit. Let him explain. ]

Please, let me apologize for being such a jerk. [ He leans in, rests his brow against yours, and when he speaks again, his voice is really, really small. ] Please, let me say sorry. Because I'd really like to ask for your forgiveness.

Edited 2014-08-11 15:19 (UTC)

[It's right about impossible for him to do much else beyond stare at you and be, momentarily, at a loss over what to say or do next. The solidity of your presence is relieving in ways that he can't even begin to describe.

That might be why he's smiling just a bit, and then moving to kiss you, briefly, on the lips.]

I already forgave you a long time ago. I just... [And now the apprehension and the sadness is back in those eyes you like so much.] I just hope that you really think that I'm worth coming back to. I don't want to keep letting you down. I want to make you happy.

[Admittedly? It hurts to say these things. It really does.]

[ The kiss actually startles him, not because he didn't want it — on the contrary. He really, really wants to. He just doesn't want to spook you by coming on too strong.

It's the things you say after though, that make him blink. Because... what do you mean— ] Hikaru... I don't understand.

What do you mean 'let me down'? And why would you ever think that you don't make me happy?

[ You're kind of the love of his life. There is a— no, he's not going to go there because if he goes there he might slip up and mention it and now is not the time. ]

I love you. Of course you make me happy.

[It's both frightening and relieving, hearing you tell him that. Now he just has to work at truly and absolutely believing it, because sometimes? He doubts. And that isn't on you at all.]

I love you too. [A painful little pause.] A lot.

[And maybe too intensely, because it always trips him up and always makes him do things that drive you away, or frustrate you, or...]

[ ...He's going to interrupt that line of thought by tipping up your chin and kissing you full on the mouth.

He's missed the taste of you on his lips. ]

Come home with me? Please?

[Well.

That was nice.]

Yes. I would like to.

[He's this close, in fact, to thanking you profusely for letting him. This past year has been an exercise in seeing just how incapable he is of living without you in his life now.]

[ What you're going to see then, is the way this one looks so stupidly happy, like you've just given him the best news that he could have ever allowed himself to hope for.

He's going to lean in and kiss you all over again ]

[And he'll let that go on for a bit longer than he should, especially since the two of you... aren't exactly at home...

He's missed you. No judging.]

We should probably get back to the board meeting.

[There is Clear Reluctance in his voice.]

[ He's going to clear his throat and then give your hand another squeeze. ]

You can come stay with me after. I booked a room.

[ It's not home, but it'll give you both the privacy you need. ]

Can I?

[The hopefulness in your boy's eyes and voice might be so obvious it's heartbreaking.

Yes, he's asking for permission. It's been rough, and with all the wires being crossed between you... well...]

[ And this is him bringing his forehead right up against yours again and looking you straight in the eyes with a look that's conveys that he's happy about this but a little scared this might not be real. ]

Please?

[ Please see that he really wants you with him. It's been far too long and he's not entirely sure how he's going to be able to deal if you two end up going separate ways again. ]

My space, your space, remember?

[ If that's a little soft, it's because he's dropped his gaze to where his thumb is rubbing gentle circles over your knuckles. ]

[Have a smile at that, and a soft laugh that's a tad helpless. Color this one overwhelmed. Grateful - incredibly, incredibly grateful - but overwhelmed.]

Right. I forgot about that.

[Or, more accurately, he set the possibility out of his head in order to deal with not having you close by better. But maybe he doesn't have to do that anymore.]

Okay. I can pick up some stuff for myself tomorrow, I guess.

[That's right. "Tomorrow".]

[ The look in Josh's eyes when he looks back at you is all grateful puppy and then some. ]

I can -- I mean, if it's, okay with you, maybe I can come with?

Of course.

[Smiling up at.]

Then we can head back to Falner...?

[Unless, of course, you have things to do. Because if you do, that's fine with him. Really.]

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