falnerestate | [CLOSED] tell me what can i say ( what can i say, what can i say )

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[CLOSED] tell me what can i say ( what can i say, what can i say )

WHO: Hikaru Shinta, Joshua LaRue + Rhiannon Board of Directors and Senior Partners
WHAT: Hello, Again.
WHERE: The Rhiannon Towers - Tokyo, Japan
WHEN: 2 January 2066
SAFE FOR WORK? Yup!
OTHER NOTES: ALL THE AWKWARD.

[ The Universe is mocking him.

That is Joshua LaRue's precise thought as he hurries past the reception area of the Rhiannon Towers in Tokyo to head straight for the elevator that will take him up to where the Board of Directors and Rhiannon's Senior Partners are meeting for the Annual post-New Year's meeting.

Everything had been planned down on his end right down to the tiniest detail: he'd touched down in Narita early the evening before, checked into his hotel ( because, no, not staying at Seigi where Hikaru might be ) and made damn sure to deal with the jetlag he was feeling and forcibly worked to align his body clock to the change in timezone.

This morning, he'd gotten up at the crack of daw, had breakfast up in his room, gone through all the necessary documents he had to review for the meeting, checked his own presentation and got ready to leave with more than enough time to spare.

Everything was perfect: he should have arrived at the Towers an hour early, which would let him get a feel of things and have time to figure out how to adjust accordingly to Hikaru's presence.

And then a freak road accident backed up traffic for about an hour and a half.

Now he's late, flustered, a little stressed and stopping only for a minute outside the boardroom to straighten his tie and run a hand through his hair before he quietly turns that knob to step in—

—right as Hikaru's up front and talking.

Someone shoot him now.

~~Your evoker is in the shape of a handgun, Joshua.~~

~~LEO. SHUT. UP.~~

~~I was just being helpful.~~

He would really like to do this day over. Please? ]

Sorry.

[ He'll just... quietly wander to the nearest empty chair. Carry on. ]

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I doubt they will even if they wanted to.

[Everyone in Japan knows who you're keeping company with. And no, he doesn't mind the lack of any sort of contact while you're still not where you're supposed to be. All good things in good time, and all.]

[ It's not that big a hotel, but they do have separate elevators for certain sets of floors. The doors open soon enough and he's going to hold that open for you with one palm before he follows you into the hall.

His arm is also going right back around your waist where it belongs as he guides you towards the corner suite.

Key card, key card — oh there. ]

Thank you, by the way. [ His voice is a little soft as he watches the little light for the lock turn from a blinking yellow to green. ]

[One thing he loves about hotels is how there never seems to be anyone to see you when it actually counts --

Hold that thought. Blinking up at you, bemused.]

And what's this "thank you" for now?

[ He's going to show you instead of tell you ( and quietly pray that you won't flinch away ) because frankly? There are no words to express how happy he is that he spent the rest of the lunch meeting with you, that you sat in the car he rented and let him hold your hand for most of the drive over. That you're here, talking to him, letting him touch you because that year apart? It was agonizing.

So yes, the door is open. Yes, he's stepping inside and back and pulling you into his arms so that he can — finally, praise be Elaine — kiss you the way he's been wanting to since you both pretty much made up.

You'll hear the soft and swallowed sound of relief when his back hits that wall and he's got his arms around you. ]

Edited 2014-08-13 15:38 (UTC)

[And on his end, there's a moment of surprise before things are just clicking, because this position - you and him, limbs entangled, faces close, breaths mingling in what little space there is between the both of you - is familiar. It's the good kind of familiar, of course, and also the kind of familiar that he hadn't thought he'd be able to have again.

You'll hear it in his breath and feel it in the way that he eventually kisses you back, then: the way you're not the only one who's relieved. Who's grateful.]

God, I've missed you so much.

[ The words tremble when he breathes them against your lips, as his palms roam over your back to pull you even closer. You still fit so perfectly against him and it's occurring to him, quietly, in that rather distant way that thoughts like this do, that for a moment there he was afraid that you wouldn't. That he was braced for the possibility that you'd freeze in his arms and not kiss back. ]

I'm so sorry, babe. [ He's going to kiss your mouth, your cheek, breathe you in, hold you tight, how the hell had he managed a year without you this close. ] I'm so sorry, please forgive me. I shouldn't have left.

[Give him a moment. It's hard to string words together when one has to talk over an overwhelming sense of need and relief and a mess of so many other things.]

Like I said earlier, it's okay. I forgave you along time ago.

[He matches those words with how he lifts one hand up to stroke your hair, and cup your cheek.]

[ He's leaning into your touch at that, his gaze taking the whole look of you in. There's a downward turn to the edges of his mouth because his heart hurts. ]

I love you. [ That's whispered, like a prayer. ]

I love you too.

[Leaning in to kiss you, slow and easy.]

I love you so much.

[If his voice trembles a little at that, please forgive him. Please try to forgive the mix of sadness and relief in his eyes too; those emotions are right up there with that overwhelming feeling of happiness that he's getting at being here with you.]

[ He's running his fingers lighting through your hair now, eyes at half-mast as he parts his lips and slants the angle of the way he's kissing you. Gentler, this time, as if he's back to wrapping his head around you being back in his arms. ]

You're here... you're really here. [ Is he looking at you like the sun just came back into his life? Yes. Yes, he is. ]

Edited 2014-08-13 16:15 (UTC)

[He's spent more than a few nights over the course of last year dreaming about the way that you're kissing him now. It'll always fascinate him, the way you could be so gentle yet so intense all at the same time.]

I'll stay for as long as you'll have me.

[An odd echo, perhaps, of the words you used on him back at the meeting. Seems like the both of you are similar in this way: feeling like this is much more than you could have hoped for, or deserved after how the two of you parted ways.]

[ And because those are his feelings caught in his throat, and there he's left his heart at your feet, he's slipping from keeping himself in check as he goes: ]

Always. [ He knows its not a thing that will be, even with the fact that he's definitely going to be around for a long, long while. But it's what he wants, deep, deep down. ] For as long as I'm breathing, can it be 'always'?

[ He's cradling your face between his palms now, leaning his forehead to yours. ]

Because you're not going to be rid of me for a while. [ He can laugh ( and maybe cry ) with you about that, right? He can be relieved that he came back? That he's getting this chance with you? ]

[He chuckles at that, but it's coming out a little choked.

"A while". There's one way of putting it.

And to think because he was such a fucking idiot, he nearly wasted all of this by not being able to handle his shit properly.]

That's a bit of an understatement, don't you think?

[If the smile that he turns up in your direction looks a little brittle, that might be because it is. And his eyes might be a little moist now. Might be.]

[ He's grazing the pad of his thumb across your cheekbone. He doesn't notice the way your smile isn't quite a smile, not yet anyhow.

Forgive him, love. He's just a little lost in your eyes. ]

You know what I mean.

[ He hopes you do. He really hopes that what Jessie said before is still true. That one day, when you're both better and settled again, like his mom said, he can ask you and you'll say 'yes,' because he still wants that. He wants it more than ever. ]

I do, which is why I'm half-tempted to ask you if you're sure about this.

[That comes out a little helpless, and maybe a few steps away from really vulnerable. It's not that he doesn't have faith in you, or in the fact that you love him. It's just hard to break that old habit of believing that it's really okay for somebody to love him and want him in their life the way that you seem to. The past year was a bit of a nasty reminder of just how terribly he could fuck things up.

That is how he views it anyway. Being back in the karmic cycle doesn't automatically make somebody so perfectly certain of one's place in the world, much less with the people they'd give up everything for.]

[ Oh, babe. ]

Ask anyway.

[ Because some things need to be said. Or asked. Or mourned. He had been too afraid, too wrecked, too caught up in his own mess of a head to let you do any of that.

He'd like to make up for it, however he can. ]

Ask it anyway, Hikaru.

[There's a short sigh at that, together with the drop of your boy's gaze and that old tell of his shoulders curling in like he wants to brace himself against whatever's going to come his way next. It takes him a while before he manages to muster up the strength to look back up at your face.]

Are you?

[That question trembles in the air, like it's full of too much emotion for it to be stable. The tears ins your boy's eyes have welled up as well, against his will.]

[ It's almost as if he can feel that tiny, metaphorical crack in his heart when you look up at him as if you're not sure of what the answer will be.

He's been watching you: the way your shoulders curled in, the way you had to look away.

He can't remember who he told it to now, but he said, once, that sometimes it was odd, how you are the most dangerous, most powerful individual in the Vigil. And yet, in moments like these, when it's just the two of you and no one else, it's like he's holding an injured bird in the cradle of both hands and he's so terrified that if he holds on too tight -- he'll crush you without meaning to.

Maybe that's why the next words out of his mouth are the most awkward and yet most heartfelt ones he can come up with: ]

Do you need me to throw a shoe at your wall again?

[ It was bittersweet, the way you two first came together. You knew, he didn't, and he got to you just in time. He's not a Chariot anymore, he's not running towards a goal. But Strength means staying, weathering whatever storm comes. Giving you a place to come home to. ]

Because I will. If I have to. I totally will.

[ He can feel the tear slip down his own cheek. ] I'm not going anywhere, Hikaru. Never again. I'm going to be right where you need me this time.

Edited 2014-08-13 17:13 (UTC)

[Of course you'd be capable of making him laugh. It's weak, yes, but that you managed it in the first place is nothing short of amazing, not to mention beautiful.

Please excuse this one as he slumps forward, pressing his forehead against yours. His lips quiver before he manages to press them together tight.

Breathe in, breathe out. The least he could do is try to not be so overwhelmed, and try to keep it together...]

Can I... [A hitched sound, like something caught between a sigh and a sob.] Can I borrow your shoulder for a bit?

[ He doesn't answer, at least not with words. He just draws you in and tucks your head under his chin.

You don't need to ask for permission. He's yours, remember? He'll always be yours, for as long as he can breathe. ]

[And that's all it takes for the remnants of his control to tear themselves to shreds. You'll feel the way he trembles in your arms, and hear how the first of his sobs wrack his body. Moments after that, he's reaching out and clinging to you tight, like a frightened child.

He isn't even sure why he's breaking down now. You're here, he's here, you're both alive, you're both okay, and you're both standing, for the first time in ages, on the same page --

-- or maybe that's precisely why he's falling apart again. It's that odd and confusing and ugly mix of overwhelming happiness and relief together with the guilt and the shame and the grief that he bottled up for far too long on purpose.

He nearly lost you; he nearly drove you away. He nearly lost everything. Being back in your embrace, surrounded by the familiar smell of you and having your skin and your body under his touch while he can rest easy under the weight of your gaze is doing little else, at the moment, but remind him of all of that.]

Edited 2014-08-13 17:33 (UTC)

[ It's surprising how, the moment the sobs start to wrench themselves from you, he's no longer frightened with the thought that he caused this, yet again. Maybe it's because last year was the longest you two ever stayed apart from each other, maybe it's because the thing that everyone else sees and speaks of with certainty is something he can finally, properly, wrap his head around.

Yes, he caused this, but that's alright. He's here now. You're in his arms. And grief is a process that needs to happen before happiness can move in.

The bed's not too far, so he'll guide you over, sit down on that edge and then gather you up and help you curl up on his lap. He's got his nose pressed into your shoulder, and a palm moving in gentle circles over your back.

Cry it out, babe. He gets it now. He's sorry he couldn't see it sooner. ]

Edited 2014-08-13 23:09 (UTC)

[He starts quieting down about thirty minutes in, but it takes a little over an hour for him to really stop, to not end up getting wracked, sporadically, by the aftermath of his sorrow.

After he draws in the first few easier breaths he's been able to take since he broke down, he's quietly tucking his head under your chin a little more firmly, and his fingers are curling up into your coat.

You're here. Thank Elaine you're here. He's so fucking blessed, so goddamned lucky that you're not going to leave him.]

[ There's a small smile that tugs at the corner of his mouth when he feels you curl in closer, and then he's pressing his lips to your forehead for the length of several heartbeats. The hand on your back stilled about ten minutes ago, his arm wrapped securely about your torso to steady you against his body.

It's still early out, but to say that it's been an exhausting day is kind of an understatement. ]

[After about a minute more:]

Is it okay if I lie down for a bit?

[He's still so painfully careful, like he's worried that he really might get in your way.]

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