[CLOSED] We're choking on ambitions.

[liveware]

WHO: Angela Brennan and her not Technomancer son
WHAT: This is the second Christmas where her eldest boy is home and moping and her eldest girl wants to smack him. This requires a mother's touch.
WHERE: The Brennan House, Stateside
WHEN: December 25, 2065
SAFE FOR WORK? I think so?
OTHER NOTES: FAMILY THINGS.


[She hadn't asked any questions when, back in 2064, Joshua had called in order to tell her and Aaron that he'd be over for the holidays. Given the reports that had been coming in and the stuff she had observed for herself, it made sense.

What hadn't really made sense at the time was the fact that Josh had come alone. And then she had seen the Look on Cindy's face (that tight-lipped, hard-eyed peer that Cindy only ever reserved for things that truly irked her), and she tugged on a few lifelines on her own, and discovered, to her horror, that it made a bit too much sense.

Nevertheless, she didn't ask, didn't say a word. She stayed close, fed her boy, distracted everyone with the tinies, let everyone - including herself - grieve and celebrate, and kept her house in order all throughout the holiday season.

It is 2065 now, though, and this is the second Christmas that Josh had come to spend with them, and - once again - Hikaru isn't with him. She knows more now, even if she hasn't had to ask. She saw, as well, the look that crossed Josh's face when he opened one particular present that's been sitting under their tree since mid-December. Now it's time to speak.

This is why Angela, after exchanging a significant look with Aaron after spending the past two hours sitting with Cindy and letting her daughter rant her frustrations over this situation out, is climbing those steps up to where the room of her darling twin children. She knocks once, and pushes the door open.]

Comments

[larue]

[ And what you'll see, Mom, is your eldest child leaning back into that rocking chair he had delivered your way in the last term of your pregnancy. Ethan's out like a light and draped on the large, golden lion at Josh's feet. Abi's snoozing on her eldest brother's chest. Josh himself has his eyes closed, but his breathing isn't deep enough for him to be sleeping.

The evoker that Hikaru made for him — a gun in chrome black and gunmetal gray finish, with a lion engraved along the barrel in gold and a finishing of keys along the grip — is set aside on the nearby table where the present he got the kids' this year sits: a nightlight that beams out a variety of constellations.

It's become a thing for him to fuss over the toddlers at bedtime, to stay as long as he can because they make dealing with how heavy his heart is, marginally easier. ]

[liveware]

[Yeah, she kind of noticed that. She, Aaron, Cindy, and Leo (who is, by the way, being a sweet possible-future-son-in-law by going out into the town to fetch a few things for dinner) all have.

She's shutting the door behind her by leaning back against it, and taking a moment out to smile at the sight before clearing her throat.]

Josh.

[larue]

[ He's winking an eye open and then exhaling a breath. ]

Hey, Mom.

[ One hand is coming up to catch Abi by the bum, while the other cradles the back of her head. ]

I should probably put them back in bed. [ He sounds tired — fond, but tired. He's going to put her down back in the crib now, by the way, and the make a move pick Ethan up next. ]

Everyone still downstairs?

[liveware]

Leo's out right now, and Cindy's going to go off in a bit. Your dad's planning on taking a nap.

[She folds her arms across her chest and directs her smile at Josh.]

Want a beer?

[Which is her way of saying We need to talk.]

[larue]

[ There is that moment of 'oh, crap' written all over your son's face as he finally sets Ethan down beside his sister.

You might also notice the rather sleepy yawn from the lion who is now padding towards the wall like a gigantic house cat in order to give you room. He knows to respect a lioness in her crèche. Especially since, as much as Josh is his other half, the Card is all but quibbling like an inexperienced cub. ]

...Sure.

[ He's rubbing his palms over his jeans now. ]

We can take it in the other room?

[liveware]

We can take it down to the living room. It's nicer to smoke there anyway.

[And now that she has established control of the situation, she's turning away and heading out --

-- but not before doubling back to kiss her little angels. Adorable things. =w=]

You fetch the beers. I'll get the cigs and the ashtray.

[larue]

[ He's nodding wordlessly and heading down to the kitchen to grab exactly what you've told him to and wandering back in shortly with his head ducked and three beers held by the neck between either of his hand's fingers.

He's going to sit across from you, open two and cradle one between his palms. ]

[liveware]

[And your mother is going to take one beer with a nod of thanks, pull a cigarette out from her pack with her teeth, and light up.

After the first drag, with deceptive casualness:]

You know, your sister is a couple of steps away from engaging her Cyberstalker Mode at Defcon 10 on you.

[Since you kind of haven't been talking to any of them about... anything, really.]

[larue]

[ He is going to gulp visibly at that and drop his gaze down to his hands, lips pressed together.

He clears his throat. Suddenly the collar of his t-shirt feels ridiculously tight. ]

S-so, you mean she actually hasn't yet?

[ That statement falls as flat as his attempt to make light of things. Which was... probably the least appropriate move to do. Sorry, Mom. He's not actually been himself this year. ]

Sorry. [ That's incredibly contrite. ] I just... um.

[ He didn't want to hassle anyone. And there never seemed a good time to actually talk about it. ]

[liveware]

[She'll just smile there.]

She loves you too much to really do it, which then makes her incredibly frustrated.

[And taking a swig from her bottle now.]

We all love you, really.

[No big deal, this family thing.]

[larue]

[ He's back to dropping his gaze down at his hands. ]

It's... [ okay, Josh, this is just Mom ] It's been a hard year.

[liveware]

It sure looks like it has for you.

[And remembering, once again, the way you had looked down at the gift that the love of your life had sent you this year.]

How long has it been? Since the two of you saw each other.

[larue]

[ ...Mom. ]

One year, nine days. [ His shoulders are hunching now. His voice is getting smaller and smaller. ] Give... or take... with the time... difference.

[ He's leaning forward, ducking his head and rubbing the back of his neck with one hand.

A year.

A fucking year.

He squeezes his eyes shut. ]

[liveware]

[Okay, sitting across of you just isn't going to cut it. She moves in the next moment, and sits right down at your side. The better to wrap your shoulders up in one of her arms and lean in for a side hug.]

What did the two of you fight about anyway?

[She's hoping that it didn't end up being about something that didn't actually have nothing to do with them again. She's also hoping that it wasn't about how Josh nearly died...

But it probably had been, hadn't it? For things to be this bad now.]

[larue]

[ You know that saying about how your parents will always be the people who you'll look to when things go south? Well, he'll always be grateful that he didn't lose you. That, for all that he's usually off doing his own thing, you'll always just be a text or phone call away.

The fact that you're here though, that you've joined him on his side of the sitting area of the living room, he's letting himself curl up and hunch over as he wraps his arms around you.

When he speaks again, his voice is thick with the weight of this last year and everything that he's been doing his darndest to keep under wraps. ]

I was stupid.

[ It really just comes down to that. ]

I was so fucking stupid, Mom.

[liveware]

What makes you say that, mm?

[Asking that gently, as she's holding you close and looking down at you. You don't have to look back, or do much of anything. She'll be here with you for as long as it takes.]

Talk to me.

[larue]

I needed him.

[ That's whispered quietly. ]

I needed him so much, but— [ He's taking in one shaky breath and he starts to pull away. He feels terrible about talking about this. He feels bad about how he acted towards Hikaru during that last awful exchange. ]

I said some things. I was a jerk. I should've seen that he wasn't in any state to deal with anything.

[ Because it had been all too fresh to discuss with the Hounds outside of Brianna, the one blademate who'd helped him figure out that something was amiss. Because it had been way too messed up to discuss with Makoto because the geist had been as much a part of Josh's headspace as Coach had been.

Because he'd just wanted the reassurance of someone he loved and cared about who, barring Yulia, he would have felt safe to break down to and hold onto. ]

But I just needed him, Mom. And I fucked up.

[liveware]

I think it's reasonable, up to a point, to be a jerk when you're really down and out.

[Her tone is still even, calm and reassuring. She's also reaching up to brush the hair out of her son's eyes.]

Emotion's always a bit of a bitch in situations like that, but without it, you wouldn't have much of anything.

[larue]

[ He looks askance, the edges of his vision blurring a little before he lifts a hand to rub at his eyes. ]

When we're good... we're really, really good. [ A pause; a breath. ] But when things get shitty, all I ever seem to do is hurt him and make him cry.

[liveware]

[Oh, Josh...]

Hasn't anyone ever told you that getting into scrapes like that is just a part of being together?

[Angela has always believed that her son cares so damned much about the people he loves that he beats himself over the head a bit too much when he thinks that he hasn't done good by them.]

[larue]

[ He actually... has no idea what to say in response to that.

When he does find his voice though: ] I was going to propose last Christmas.

At least... that was the plan, before... you know.

[ Him dying. Them fighting. ]

[liveware]

[She is not surprised in the least to hear that. As things stand, she's going to have to tell Aaron; he'll be overjoyed.]

And you can still propose to him. You can do it after the two of you are better.

[Yeah, she's speaking like it's going to happen. Because it will. She believes that much.]

[larue]

[ He's going to stare at you for longer than he honestly should before he blinks, ducks his gaze and worries at his bottom lip before he's glancing up at your expression again.

That's a sort of helpless laugh from him. ]

Don't tell Cindy yet? [ He'd rather let her know once he actually gets around to popping the question. ]

[liveware]

I never planned to. Besides, it won't do to give her and her circle more fuel for their stories.

[And that is, of course, your mother's attempt at making you feel better faster. Brennan Humor and all.]

[larue]

[ There's a wince as he remembers... well, that.

( He really, honestly could have lived without knowing about doujinshi. )

Have another tight hug, Angela. ]

Thanks, Mom.

[liveware]

[She's hugging you right back. It's relieving, really, to see you in better spirits. The past two years have been difficult for you.]

You're welcome. Now drink your damned beer.

[larue]

Yes, Mom. I love you, Mom.

[ He knows better than to say no. He wouldn't want to, anyway.