I needed him so much, but— [ He's taking in one shaky breath and he starts to pull away. He feels terrible about talking about this. He feels bad about how he acted towards Hikaru during that last awful exchange. ]
I said some things. I was a jerk. I should've seen that he wasn't in any state to deal with anything.
[ Because it had been all too fresh to discuss with the Hounds outside of Brianna, the one blademate who'd helped him figure out that something was amiss. Because it had been way too messed up to discuss with Makoto because the geist had been as much a part of Josh's headspace as Coach had been.
Because he'd just wanted the reassurance of someone he loved and cared about who, barring Yulia, he would have felt safe to break down to and hold onto. ]
no subject
[ That's whispered quietly. ]
I needed him so much, but— [ He's taking in one shaky breath and he starts to pull away. He feels terrible about talking about this. He feels bad about how he acted towards Hikaru during that last awful exchange. ]
I said some things. I was a jerk. I should've seen that he wasn't in any state to deal with anything.
[ Because it had been all too fresh to discuss with the Hounds outside of Brianna, the one blademate who'd helped him figure out that something was amiss. Because it had been way too messed up to discuss with Makoto because the geist had been as much a part of Josh's headspace as Coach had been.
Because he'd just wanted the reassurance of someone he loved and cared about who, barring Yulia, he would have felt safe to break down to and hold onto. ]
But I just needed him, Mom. And I fucked up.